New Sox season has us all aTwitter

By Chuck Ingwersen
Southland Savvy

Ozzie Guillen wanted a White Sox team with more movable parts, and he got one.

Some of the heavy lumber (and lumbering around the bases) is gone. There's flexibility aplenty in the outfield and at DH. And, on paper, the starting rotation matches up with the best in baseball.

It's a team that, coming out of spring training, Guillen claimed can be better than the 2005 squad that won the World Series. So it's no surprise that the always excitable Ozzie could hardly contain himself and sought a new release for his excitement this spring.

Enter Twitter.

The Sox skipper began using the online social networking tool in February, spraying his thoughts to all fields of the Twitterverse. With the Twitters of Oz, Sox fans were about to get a glimpse inside the dugout and clubhouse. They'd get succinct analysis from the man in charge. They'd get brutally honest opinions from the most opinionated man in baseball.

Or not.

For those of us keeping score on Guillen's foray into microblogging, let's be kind and say that Guillen's tweets haven't been full of the kind of insight Sox fans might have desired. More like a dribbling foul ball than a grand slam.

Here are a few examples from Feb. 23, Guillen's first day of tweeting (with all spelling, punctuation and grammatical errors/quirks left intact):

• finally I am on this twitter thing it's about time! 
• 3 day of Spring Training and im already boreddddddd
• Thanks a lot for the support i like it the twitter...

 Nope. No electrifying insight there. Let's call it a case of first-day Twitter jitters. But this is Ozzie. He's just warming up, right? Let's see how the tweets progressed during spring training.

March 6: Our bus driver have a lot problems leaving the park
(later in day): Where is my guy arsenio hall my favorite show in the 80s

March 10: I wish I have my bike in this moment

March 16: let's eat suchi now

March 24: Hello nice hair cut whit my man monster99.com whatch my hair cut

At this point, it becomes clear that Guillen intended to keep his tweets light-hearted, avoiding insights, analysis and controversy. The latter was left for Guillen's son Oney, who posted a few tweets that tweaked some members of the Sox organization. In the wake of Twittergate, Oney resigned his position in the Sox scouting and video department, at the behest of his father.

So Ozzie had it right all along. His own tweets were for amusement purposes only, kind of like Paul 

Konerko's attempts at scoring from second on a single.

Yes, Ozzie has his Twitter fans wanting more. We can dream, can't we? Yes, and if we can dream big, then here are some tweets Sox fans would love to read from Ozzie — tweets that would tell the story of a glorious 2010 season (not to mention improved spelling, punctuation and grammar):

April:

• Chicago too cold. I wish I have my mittens in this moment …
• Was digging my iPad until AJ spit out his chaw on it
• Peavy look like guy from Hurt Locker but with better stuff.
• That was imposter Rios last year. This is real Rios.
• Shut up Harold, I'm trying to tweet. Guy never stops talking.

May:

• Wish I could play A. Jones and Kotsay every day. Both killing ball.
• Ha Twins! How like playing outdoors all the time? Not so easy, right? 
• Weather really heating up … or is that just Big Bobby's fastball?
• Can't help giggle every time I say “Putz.”

June:

• It will be fun to keep cubs on losing streak. Sorry Lou.
• Wrigley rats even bigger this year. Even w/o Milton B.
• That kid Vizquel has future in this league.
• Still haven't found my guy arsenio hall.
• Good luck Oney in new job as restaurant critic.

July:

• Can't believe we send 11 players to all-star game. 
• Yay Teahan! Joe who? Robin who?
• Beckham so relaxed at 2nd base, unlike his hair.
• Alexi making ppl forget other great Sox shortstops. Way to go jerk.

August:

• Cy Young race still too close to call between Burls, Peavy, Floyd, Danks.
• At least Freddie still gets up for big games.
• Sorry Coop. Even Cora could be pitching coach with this staff.

September:

• Games more fun when we don't lead division by 15 games but I take it.
• Just for snicks, pinch running Paulie for Pierre.
• Great to have Quentin healthy for full year. Smiley too.
• Got pain reliever for carpal tunnel. Still need to twitter not so much.

October:

• Chicago too cold. But full house in October make it seem warm.
• Sure. My guy Arsenio show up now that it's playoffs.
• Who to start in Game 1 of World Series? Hard to choose between 25 game winners.
• Good to see Paulie, AJ, Burls named co-mvp of W.S.
• With all champagne in eyes, couldn't see who I was hugging. Turns out it was Kenny W.